My Life as a Ninja Warrior part 1

We look "super" because of Brooke Photography!

Every morning I have a seemingly simple goal, to get my children out the door and on their way to school. In theory, there should be an effortless flow of events that achieve my daily objective. Yes, daily, wouldn't that mean that our tenacious troupe is in continuous training?  Our regular routine transpires six days a week. Sundays, the day of rest, is not immune to this rigorous workout. We wake up, come to the couch (we have a BIG one), Dad prays, we hug each other, then this team endeavor turns to individual events that must work in tandem to come together at the finish line. When they are all on their respective journeys, the closing of the front door is my big red buzzer declaring the completion of  my morning ambitions, during which I use every fragment of my faculties to reach. Sometimes I feel as if time will run out and the agony of defeat will envelop my morning when I must fetch my purse, load up the minivan, and transport my team to their individual destinations.

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My co-coach, the Hubster, Kevin, strives along side of me utilizing the abilities of our apprentices while strengthening our squad. To do that, we need to be aware of each individual's talents, what they need to work on, as well as train for. Thirty minutes into the morning events he is off to bring home the proverbial bacon. (see that Honey, I wrote a post about bacon, your fave)

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Eric: Our original obstacle, I have many years experience with. I know him so well that I should be able to achieve success blindfolded. Sometimes, though, in my overconfidence or his, this now smooth relationship finds an unexpected ripple that muscle memory is unable to overcome.

Emily: Being as she is away at college, she is the retro task in our marathon of mornings, a kind of novelty that has been studied for ages yet periodically makes a comeback and for a limited time only. She and I need to continue to train, for our encounters to remain effortless.

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Angel: The potential, oh the potential! Seemingly capable of accomplishing the simplest of tasks but often forces me to find a more amiable route around the hurdle set in my path. I continue my rigorous training in hopes that one day we can achieve greatness shoulder to shoulder as a true team.

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Allie: This mountain was a hard climb in an early, less experienced time. As we progress, together, we have begun to understand one another and often work together as the cogs in a fine-tuned mechanism. There are times, though, when she or I become a bit off kilter and the humming of our well-oiled machine turns to a hodgepodge of movement that hinders our desire to pull together.

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Joe: Our speed force. Running, running, running through life trying to compete with the big dogs. Often, his leg of the race is handled smoothly and efficiently. His attention is focused on the task at hand. Occasionally, though, his youth and inexperience produce a cocky, overconfident attitude that eventually trips him up thus affecting the entirety of the team. I am positive that, with continual training, he will one day be the anchor to our relay race of life.

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Jillian: This is our "slow and steady wins the race" teammate. She is consistent to a fault yet I admire her tenacity and sticktoitiveness. When she has her mind set on a task, she tries to take the time to do it right. The challenge is, getting her to set her mind on the task that achieves my parental goal. It is during her events that I am reminded to take my time and allow her to do what she needs to do. How will she get faster if she doesn't have the opportunity to practice?

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Ben: The new guy, is our assistant coach, cheerleader, MVP, and biggest stumbling block all at the same time. He is a big man in a little body, confident in what he doesn't know. Call out an instruction and he will repeat it and make sure the person addressed heard the mandate. Tell Jillian she needs to get her socks on, he will run ahead and find a pair that matches. Ask him to run on water, he will attempt it many times over to prove he can. Remind him to brush his teeth and he becomes a gelatinous puddle on the ground yelling "NOOOOOO!!!!"

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Then there is me, the MOM. Using the ninja parenting skills I have obtained over the years guiding this group each morning to attain the supposedly, straightforward objective of getting ready for the day. While spending practically every ounce of energy I had accumulated throughout my nightly slumber.

These are the people God gave me to work with, daily. We enjoy each other, we annoy each other, and we LOVE each other. Together, we make sure that our life is... 

"Never Easy Always Good"

  

Come back soon to see what the first two hours of my morning routine and it's expected and unexpected acts that make it interesting.

Tailor Made

All of the AMAZING photos are by the Beautiful Brooke of Brooke Photography

I don't know about you but the most difficult parenting skill to learn for me is consistency.  I am not necessarily aiming to make everything fair or even for each child, nor do I always respond to an action with the same reaction.  What I do mean is consistently providing for each child what he or she needs at the time.  That could range from standing outside, in 32 degree weather, making sure those laps being run up and down the street are finished appropriately, to stopping cooking dinner for a family of eight, and  kneeling down to explain for the 20th time that she will be eating with in the hour, so a snack is not a wise choice right now.  Meeting a child where they are at and personalizing our parenting according to the specific situation and need is way easier said than done.

As I am sure you have figured out by now, the Hubster and I have had a wide array of parenting experiences.  We have children who would oppose correction with every fiber of their beings, children who quake in their shoes when a voice is raised slightly, and quite a variety in between.  Within our parental hearts and minds, being consistent is often confronted with guilt, impatience, as well as exhaustion.  Too often, I try to avoid the effort it takes to do the job right the first time, only to pay for it in the end.  (Ironically, I have had that talk with quite a few of my kiddos, some more recently and frequently than others) So far, five out of my six kids have brought me to tears because of my fatigue due to the repetition and tenaciousness of a situation with them.  The reluctance to follow through with consequences such as returning gifts or canceling birthday parties hinders many opportunities to train our children.   I can't count how many times I have witnessed an infraction that I "didn't have the time" to deal with, only to be presented, sooner than later, with another opportunity to follow through and sharpen my parenting skills.  This time though, I have to take on the previous groundwork my lack of effort had inadvertently laid.  Still, it is the Hubster's and my job to do what we signed up for, raise responsible, respectful, and reachable children.

Schulze Girls

So, how do we do it?  To be honest, I am not fully sure myself.  I do know we depend a lot upon God's wisdom, hoping we hear His Spirit speaking to our hearts. Our parenting consists a lot of fixing our mistakes and admitting we were misguided in our child rearing blunders.  Our kids learn about humility, how to handle mistakes as well as apologies.  Although, in certain situations, we need to stick to our guns no matter what.  At the tender age of five we could have sworn that our first born child was on the road to law school. We often could be found succumbing to his logic, only to shake ourselves and remind us and him just who the parent was.  Other children of ours are quite convincing with their untruths (OK, lies).  Our solution was to present the consequence to all six siblings in hopes the true offender would fess up.  One child in particular would stand her ground while her brothers and sisters joined her in the discipline du jour.  Although, Usually, the peer pressure helps the guilty party to cave. Occasionally, we have had to switch gears and confront our child with the blind faith that what our parental instincts were telling us was true.  

 Many times, the Hubster and I are not on the same exact page in a certain discipline matter, that is when we use the "fall back" method.  We usually move to neutral ground (our bedroom) and discuss our game plan.  After some agreeing and conceding has been accomplished we move forward in what ever plan has been generated.  We actually put this tactic into practice just a few hours ago.  I loved that we listened to one another, called the child into our headquarters, listened to him, dismissed him, constructed our plan, called said child to return, and laid the prospective program out for him.  No chaotic emotions at all.

One of my favorite tools is the "self created discipline".  One child, in particular had this "making things bigger thing" mastered.  For instance, trying to avert a massive breakdown, I instructed my son to go to his room, calm down, and then he could return to the rest of us.  As he STOMPED to his room he was easily heard shouting, "I DON'T WANT TO GO TO BED WITHOUT DINNER!"  To which I stated, "Hmmm, I hadn't thought of that. What a great idea!!! OK, when you are in your room put your jammies on.  You will be going to bed soon after."  Another of my children tried this tactic and realized, rather quickly, it wasn't for her.

Schulze Boys

The old, "Peanut butter sandwich and water" treatment works for three of our kids, but not for the other three.  I don't cook for people who are disrespectful to me so, someone else makes the necessary meal.  For half of my kids missing out on the regular meal is detrimental.  My oldest daughter would prefer that fare more often than not.  Her big brother is allergic, and her youngest sister could care less. 

Singing, hugs, hands on noses, foreheads on walls, holding hands, happy hats, sitting in on classes, random dancing, chores, writing, exercise, repetition, missing out, are all items we use to encourage our children to do the right thing.  

Preventative maintenance, though, tends to help all of the above be fewer and farther between.  Taking the time to listen to, snuggle with, and attend to my child minimizes his or her demand upon me and/or the Hubster.  Nightly dinners around our table are imperative.  We catch up on each other's days, reminisce, plan and bond.  Just by eating meals together we express how important our kids' thoughts and ideas are to us.  The kiddos' individuality blossoms around the table.  I don't know of a better place to get to know your family let alone anyone else.


With all of our strengths and weaknesses, successes and mistakes, similarities and differences, it just goes to show parenting is not a "one size fits all" venture. Good parenting needs to be "tailor made".

Thankfulness

Photo by the amazing Brooke Photography

Here we go, it's November and this Mom's hustling holiday season is in full swing.  Our annual family photo session (with Brooke Photography of course) was amongst a last minute trip to California for a visit with Grandma, my brother-in-law's surprise 50th, Emily's 16th (complete with the Winter Jam concert accompanied by some of her good friends), a school potluck x 4 classrooms (OK it was October 31st but close enough), haircuts x 8 (lovin' Ms. Hannah!), dentist visit x 2 (I missed and had to reschedule twice, thank you Dr. Bobby!) a Jr. High Thanksgiving potluck, various stays at the 7th grade, a last minute trip to Phoenix toting girls for a coxswain (the person that tells the rowers what to do and where to go) clinic, designing the 2013 Schulze Family Christmas card and having it printed (at Costco) before the coupon ran out that night.  With all of this busyness, I have not had nor taken the time to truly contemplate what I am thankful for. I have to admit the rebel in me tends to steer clear of the daily Facebook thing.  I do enjoy reading the gratitude of my friends and family though.

Our BIG Day 5.7.94

With Thanksgiving literally two days away, it is probably time to magnify that grateful mindset of mine.  I could come up with lists upon lists of who and what all I appreciate in my life but time is short and I have one specific item, event, condition that I am truly blessed by, my marriage.  You see, as I have noted in a previous post, the Hubster and I are on the verge of 20 years of matrimony.  It isn't, though, the longevity of our relationship that impresses me.  I can't say this "China Anniversary" even represents "the beautiful, elegant and delicate(ness) of our love for one another over the past 20 years."  Certainly the two decades have not been filled with bliss, quite the contrary has been the rule during some seasons of our union.

What I am thankful for is the road God walked us down, the mountains we traversed, the valleys we rested in.  I am thankful for the lessons taught and learned, the battles fought and won, the fears experienced and overcome.  I am thankful for the moments we yelled at each other and made it through.  I am thankful for the countless tears shed that did not drown us.  I am thankful for the discord, the dishonesty, and the disrespect we both took part in that never disrupted the commitment we have to one another. Have we liked each other constantly throughout our relationship? No. Have we known God had a purpose for each hardship we were to experience? Yes.  Are we better off having engaged the fire together?  Do I really have to answer this?  Yes and yes.  

(cropped from) Brooke Photography again!

Each trial has not only strengthened our marriage but has also laid a foundation for our children to build their future relationships upon.  They have witnessed their parents go through the ugly to get to the beautiful. They have seen us lean upon our Lord as well as praise Him when times are difficult.  They have experienced the results of a husband and wife clinging to promises made many years prior.  They know that trust can be regained and that love prevails.  

Fun times together.

During one low point I was told deep within my soul that if I gave up on the Hubster he would never be the man God has intended him to be and he would never accomplish the tasks God has for him.  Once I had truly done that, we were able to wade through his "stuff" as well as get some sort of control over it.  What initially took me by surprise was, with his "stuff" hemmed in, my "stuff" became more visible.  As uncomfortable as it was, I was able to see my faults and weaknesses.  Then, together, we were and have been able to grow through mistakes I have made. I thank my Lord that Kevin, the  Hubster, has never, not once, given up on me.  The rewards received due to a marriage forged by trials and strengthened by God are the best gifts ever!

We LOVE Brooke Photography

What have I learned?  Other than the Hubster will stick with me through thick and thin, I have learned that I don't need to be in control.  I have learned that I can trust his decisions, even if I think he is 100% wrong at the time.  I have learned that I am wrong more often than I have previously realized.  I have learned  I can follow his lead just as God desires me to.  I have learned the Hubster wants to listen to me and take my opinions into consideration. I have learned that the he will do anything in his power to protect his family.  I have learned that no matter how scary life seems to be, as long as we are with each other and focused on the Lord, we can endure anything.  

I encourage my readers, with a few exceptions, to not give up on the spouse God has given you.  Looking at our challenges from a worldly standpoint, we would have had a strong case to end our union. Thankfully, Kevin and I believe we have a responsibility to honor the vows we have taken. The words we recited ending in "Til death do us part." are not misleading.  They were not conditionally based.  They are a reminder that things will get tough and together we can endure anything that God allows into our lives.

A peek at our family photo session with, who else but Brooke Photography

We Had No Idea

Have you ever seen a photo from your past that makes you pause and think, "we had no idea what was about to happen in our lives"?  I mean, we thought we knew, but in reality we had no idea.  This is one of those photos.

Tonight, almost seven years later, this picture flashed across my screen saver and I realized, less than six weeks after it was taken we would have a newborn baby boy in our arms and eleven months after that we would confirm our pregnancy with child number six.  We had no idea.  In this photo, we were celebrating our new family, and taking our time to let everyone settle in.  Angel and Alize had not even been in our home for a full year when this moment had been captured.

This was an occasion we had not pictured a year prior.  Our venture into foster care did not involve permanency at all.  The four of us had prayed over this decision and were planning on loving children and crying when they left.  We had been happy with the family God had given us, but after two weeks as our first foster children, we offered Angel and Alize an opportunity to join our clan for life.  They said yes and that is when our adventure really began.

I mentioned the year prior because, that is when our endevor into foster care came to fruition.  After experiencing a situation at my children's school my heart was heavy.  Having unsuccessfully approached the Hubster twice before, I told him again of my desire to do foster care.  Surprisingly, "I think I could do that." was his answer.  With that possibility we began to seek God's approval in the matter.

Prayers had barely left our lips, it seems, when confirmation after confirmation began to appear in our lives.  After a week or so of commercials, TV shows, friends, family and strangers unknowingly reinforcing the thought, the Hubster and I brought the idea to Eric and Emily.  After all, they were the ones that would have to share their rooms, their toys, as well as their parents.  Without hesitation, they were all in.  I do recall the four of us continuing in prayer as the evidence of God's response was so overwhelming we felt anything but proceeding on that course would be against His will.

Accident Aftermath

One of our prayers consisted of the need for a larger vehicle than our current Dodge Stratus.  One week into that plea, I was in an accident, on a road adjacent to our church.  On that chilly morning a young woman and her friend proceeded to drive her lifted Tahoe right up my hood, stopping a dozen, more or less, inches from my windshield.  As scary as that sounds, I felt 100% safe during the altercation.  In fact my first thought was, "I wonder if this is how God is getting us a new car?"  I immediately called 911, the Hubster, and our pastor (who arrived with a latte from our coffee shop)  Sure enough, our seven passenger Town and Country was soon in our driveway.  

Moments of my son rushing to acknowledge our discipline techniques of the wooden spoon and a baby in my charge crawling into the dog crate and sitting, quite contently, in front of our licensing worker, would make me cringe and the social worker chuckle.  Instructors giving us the gory details of "the system" and the emotional baggage many children arrive with prepared us, somewhat.  Still, our prayers continued.  They continued but they evolved, no longer were we concerned with IF we were supposed to do foster care, instead we began to petition for the children and families we would be experiencing.  We would regularly ask our Lord to prepare our hearts as well as the hearts of those whose relationships we were about to encounter.  Little did we know, we were not the only ones praying about this.

A year of taking our time, filling out paperwork, sitting through classes, hosting social workers, having home inspections and living our seemingly busy lives brought us to December and our license for foster care being issued.  After two "false alarms" and a full week of illness lingering in the four of us at the same time, January arrived, and later in the month, so did Angel and Alize. By mid February we were destined to become a family of six.

 A few weeks past our decision to adopt, I was approached by my friend, the wife of one of our pastors.  She began to tell me of a high school classmate of hers whom, she felt, God had laid upon her heart to pray for.  Not having seen him in decades and not knowing his need, she was obedient to the conviction.  My friend told me she had been praying for a year when we received who would be our newest family members, the niece and nephew of her teenage comrade. Our life choice was confirmed yet again, this time with a big, ol' exclamation point.  "God has to have something big planned." I remember thinking.

Boy did He, and boy did He prepare all of the hearts involved.  He paved the way for us to "fall in love" with our children's biological family, which happens to be a pretty big name in some circles of our area.  He helped all of my children to have a third grandpa who would have dinner with us and come to our birthday parties.  Our pastor was able to play guitar and sing hymns with him in the hospital before he died.  My friend was assigned to be his nurse the night before he passed away.  We were able to deliver peace that only God can provide to a man whose family had gotten out from under him.

We practically adopted the young woman who carried three of my children to term yet would lose them due to addiction.  I was able to sit in a church office, our pastor answering her questions, wiping away her tears and praying with her for Jesus to be the Lord of her life.  I was there to help her choose an adoptive family for her newest baby as her old life was not completely discarded after her commitment.  I was there to coach her through the labor of her little girl she would be able to parent because her decisions had made positive strides. I was able to encourage her and stand firm when the options she chose pulled her right back into frightening habits as well as prison.  I have been there to pray for her heart to be touched and fully transformed into one she can be proud of.  I was there to write her after two years of our healing and show her what the repercussions were from turning away from the opportunities God had provided.  I was there, quite recently, to open a letter streaming with optimism about life both present as well as when she is free from her consequences.  I will be there to assist in her healthy journey or admonish her if she chooses otherwise.  I love that I represent the hope that only God can give to her.

Dedication and prayer following Joe's adoption.

In no way were we expecting the experiences nor the relationships we have had.  Our lives have truly been bustling since the moment the photo at the top was taken. Court, therapy, doctors, school, hospitals, more court, jail visits, made up a large portion of what felt like a roller coaster. We were standing in line, waiting for our seat while trying to predict the ride, only to find out it is much more scary, thrilling, and fullfilling than we had thought. Foster care has meant much more than loving on children and helping them heal.  We have loved on grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, bio-parents, lawyers, social workers, therepists and adoptive families. Our existence has been an open book for all to see, experience, and touch.  Healing is continually happening in our home but has become more about growing rather than escaping history. After holding on for our lives for seven years, our adventures have just begun to seem to level out.

We are now a family of eight that has a connection with our birth family only God could provide.   There is no way either the Hubster or I could have imagined such relationships.  We are truly thankful that our Lord, stirred the heart of an old, teenage friend and was thinking of us.

Sing or Scream

Hi, my name is Cindy and I am a recovering "yeller".

Back when my oldest, Eric, was about four, I had issues with a short fuse and a loud, intimidating voice.  As much as I did not want to admit or see what this was doing to my family. I knew something had to be done.  At the time, I was a relatively new believer and knew that I wanted my husband to be the "head of our home".  The battle that I was engaged in, though, was that the wife is the "heart of our home."

God made this mama strong and heavily opinionated.  That whole "sweet and gentle spirit" stuff, couldn't have applied to me, could it have?  It was easy for me to point out the Hubster's emotional outbursts but mine?  I was "stuck" at home with two small children and took care of four others under the age of five during the day. That verse in Colossians 3 about "do not aggravate your children" that was for the fathers, right?  Or were those the words God was trying to get through my strong willed skull.

I don't know if it is the same with you but, in my house the old adage, "If Mama ain't happy, no body's happy" kind of rings true.  You see, if the Hubster comes home from work and has had a rough day, I can provide a shield for the kids and things still run relatively smoothly.  If one of my kiddos is on the edge, again I can field those emotional foul balls.  But, if I am moody, off kilter, cranky or outwardly frustrated, everyone is affected.  All of a sudden, it is like nuclear fallout as each member of the clan succumbs to the poisonous attitude emanating from my heart, through my words both spoken and not.

I finally built up the courage to take on this ugly side of me.  Who could call me on the carpet when needed though?  Mature witnesses were few and far between, so I went to my kids.  I pulled Eric and Emily aside and admitted to them my dilemma.  I no longer wanted my voice to ring angrily throughout our home.  I, humbly, gave them permission to tell me when I was yelling.  That was rough.

I had no idea how rough it would be though until, I was in the heat of the moment making my frustrations heard when, in a small, quivering voice Eric said, "I don't know if this is a good time or not but..."  He need not say another word.  My heart sunk.

I am happy to report, even though we slip up at times, our voices can not be heard in the neighbor's living room anymore.  I say "we" because, when I made the choice to tone down my tune. the Hubster and then the kids followed suit.  It goes both ways you see,  I can sing or I can scream.  What ever I choose, will set the mood music for the adventure of our lives, LIFE.