How do you measure success?

Amazingly, Awesome Travelers

Here I am, about two thirds of my way to our 12 hour destination, riding in the "Party Van" complete with 12 seat belts and hand crank window winders. The Hubster and I are accompanied by our four youngest as well as a trailer full of racing, rowing shells (boats). We hit the road at 3:30 this morning when it was so dark in my hometown that the stars were beaming.  As we belted the children in, it was difficult not to feel a little sorry for myself because the duration of time my head rested on my pillow was only about three hours.  Why so late to bed?  We had to finish packing after returning from the Academic Award ceremony at the biggles high school. There our oldest was decorated with tassels, sashes and cords because of his achievements throughout his four year tenure. The Hubster and I were rewarded by receiving a plaque as a result of our contributions. Don't be mistaken, this was not due to us providing our 200 student charter school with some financial windfall. No, it was because of the time we have spent, as a family making sure the school's rowing crew was operational. 

Sitting on the metal bleachers, my mind wandered as I wondered, "How do I measure success?"   Is it in the trophies and gifts on the wall from those whom are appreciative of our efforts?  Is it in the in the accolades of others whom look at our family and ponder "Just how do they do it?" Is it in a paycheck we receive (if you knew what we live off of the answer to that question would be obvious) or possessions we own, or people we know? As much as these things are all well and good, the Hubster and I base our success upon what we do with what God has given us.  Whether it is children, chores, change or championships our goal is to do our best with what the Lord has provided. 

Our best often consists of late nights comforting friends, confronting people on behalf of a child, spending time listening to the youth both inside and outside of our home encouraging them to rise to the occasion. It consists of wiping noses as well as bottoms, tying shoes and hair.  It means last minute schedule changes and unexpected visitors, driving friends home as well as dropping kids off. Whether it is cold dinners or hot, cold toes or hot foreheads, at any moment we are to be  shining as best as possible. What we don't realize while in the midst of the job entrusted to us, is others are watching. Our children's friends, coworkers and even strangers are able to observe our every move. It is then that our success shines for us. All too often it is our failures can make us look dim. It is then, though, that God, if we allow, takes the difficult and turns it into the glorious.

Now I have about an hour left of my journey and, once again, I have attempted to put forth my best. I have missed blogging so much these past few months but my Lord has given me the subjects of many future posts. I leave you, today, with one final thought.

"Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come."

Proverbs 31:25

My Biggles getting set to row together for one last time!  (sniff, sniff)

Tailor Made

All of the AMAZING photos are by the Beautiful Brooke of Brooke Photography

I don't know about you but the most difficult parenting skill to learn for me is consistency.  I am not necessarily aiming to make everything fair or even for each child, nor do I always respond to an action with the same reaction.  What I do mean is consistently providing for each child what he or she needs at the time.  That could range from standing outside, in 32 degree weather, making sure those laps being run up and down the street are finished appropriately, to stopping cooking dinner for a family of eight, and  kneeling down to explain for the 20th time that she will be eating with in the hour, so a snack is not a wise choice right now.  Meeting a child where they are at and personalizing our parenting according to the specific situation and need is way easier said than done.

As I am sure you have figured out by now, the Hubster and I have had a wide array of parenting experiences.  We have children who would oppose correction with every fiber of their beings, children who quake in their shoes when a voice is raised slightly, and quite a variety in between.  Within our parental hearts and minds, being consistent is often confronted with guilt, impatience, as well as exhaustion.  Too often, I try to avoid the effort it takes to do the job right the first time, only to pay for it in the end.  (Ironically, I have had that talk with quite a few of my kiddos, some more recently and frequently than others) So far, five out of my six kids have brought me to tears because of my fatigue due to the repetition and tenaciousness of a situation with them.  The reluctance to follow through with consequences such as returning gifts or canceling birthday parties hinders many opportunities to train our children.   I can't count how many times I have witnessed an infraction that I "didn't have the time" to deal with, only to be presented, sooner than later, with another opportunity to follow through and sharpen my parenting skills.  This time though, I have to take on the previous groundwork my lack of effort had inadvertently laid.  Still, it is the Hubster's and my job to do what we signed up for, raise responsible, respectful, and reachable children.

Schulze Girls

So, how do we do it?  To be honest, I am not fully sure myself.  I do know we depend a lot upon God's wisdom, hoping we hear His Spirit speaking to our hearts. Our parenting consists a lot of fixing our mistakes and admitting we were misguided in our child rearing blunders.  Our kids learn about humility, how to handle mistakes as well as apologies.  Although, in certain situations, we need to stick to our guns no matter what.  At the tender age of five we could have sworn that our first born child was on the road to law school. We often could be found succumbing to his logic, only to shake ourselves and remind us and him just who the parent was.  Other children of ours are quite convincing with their untruths (OK, lies).  Our solution was to present the consequence to all six siblings in hopes the true offender would fess up.  One child in particular would stand her ground while her brothers and sisters joined her in the discipline du jour.  Although, Usually, the peer pressure helps the guilty party to cave. Occasionally, we have had to switch gears and confront our child with the blind faith that what our parental instincts were telling us was true.  

 Many times, the Hubster and I are not on the same exact page in a certain discipline matter, that is when we use the "fall back" method.  We usually move to neutral ground (our bedroom) and discuss our game plan.  After some agreeing and conceding has been accomplished we move forward in what ever plan has been generated.  We actually put this tactic into practice just a few hours ago.  I loved that we listened to one another, called the child into our headquarters, listened to him, dismissed him, constructed our plan, called said child to return, and laid the prospective program out for him.  No chaotic emotions at all.

One of my favorite tools is the "self created discipline".  One child, in particular had this "making things bigger thing" mastered.  For instance, trying to avert a massive breakdown, I instructed my son to go to his room, calm down, and then he could return to the rest of us.  As he STOMPED to his room he was easily heard shouting, "I DON'T WANT TO GO TO BED WITHOUT DINNER!"  To which I stated, "Hmmm, I hadn't thought of that. What a great idea!!! OK, when you are in your room put your jammies on.  You will be going to bed soon after."  Another of my children tried this tactic and realized, rather quickly, it wasn't for her.

Schulze Boys

The old, "Peanut butter sandwich and water" treatment works for three of our kids, but not for the other three.  I don't cook for people who are disrespectful to me so, someone else makes the necessary meal.  For half of my kids missing out on the regular meal is detrimental.  My oldest daughter would prefer that fare more often than not.  Her big brother is allergic, and her youngest sister could care less. 

Singing, hugs, hands on noses, foreheads on walls, holding hands, happy hats, sitting in on classes, random dancing, chores, writing, exercise, repetition, missing out, are all items we use to encourage our children to do the right thing.  

Preventative maintenance, though, tends to help all of the above be fewer and farther between.  Taking the time to listen to, snuggle with, and attend to my child minimizes his or her demand upon me and/or the Hubster.  Nightly dinners around our table are imperative.  We catch up on each other's days, reminisce, plan and bond.  Just by eating meals together we express how important our kids' thoughts and ideas are to us.  The kiddos' individuality blossoms around the table.  I don't know of a better place to get to know your family let alone anyone else.


With all of our strengths and weaknesses, successes and mistakes, similarities and differences, it just goes to show parenting is not a "one size fits all" venture. Good parenting needs to be "tailor made".

Make It Worth Their While

After five years of Jillian I have come up with a few tricks and noticed trends in how she comprehends the world around her.  The learning tool she uses most is emulation or watching what others are doing and trying it out herself.  Because she absorbs most of what she sees (math is pretty difficult right now) I really try to only put things in front of her that I would like to see her put into practice. 

Signing "Mom" for the first time.

When she was learning to communicate, we played "Signing Time" DVDs constantly.  Children with Down syndrome are born with low muscle tone.  Our tongues are just a muscle that we learn to manipulate to form specific sounds, most of which when combined, form into words.  Because she lacked control over this necessary speech tool, yet was wanting to interact with those around her, we surrounded her with opportunity to learn.  Learn is exactly what she did.  Not only did she gain around 400 signs but she observed and identified her written alphabet as well.  It is a little surprising when you special needs child points to a wall in her sibling's school and announces "H" and is correct.  After naming a few more letters I found she had a skill I had not been practicing with her.  It was all due to emulation.

The mirror and our friend

Even when she is all by herself she emulates.  Jillie, as with many who have Down syndrome, is enthralled with her reflection.  Early on in her speech therapy career we learned she would not actually speak to her therapist.  Give her a mirror, or any other shiny item, though and it was difficult to keep her quiet. Our solution, mount a full length mirror sideways beneath a window.  That provided enough room for Jillie, her therapist as well as any brother or sister who chose to accompany them.  I have some great mirror stories and uses I will post at a later, reflection specific, date.

Christmas Morning

Often times Jillie watches what people are doing around her and links a response to an action, but she doesn't quite know why the action elicits the response.  Take Christmas morning a few years ago.  Jillie was three at the time and her brothers and sisters were excitedly opening their gifts.  She learned the expression of amazement.  The only thing is, she would tear one strip of paper off of her present, revealing a minute portion of the package beneath, and respond, mouth and eyes wide open.  She had no idea what was in the box but she knew what to do.  Laughing right along, we all then chose to respond in a like manner.

"The Cup Song" in Irish Gaelic

Being the youngest of six, Jillie spends a lot of time watching her brothers and sisters.  That in itself is great therapy, she wants to be just like them.  She tends to pick up on what is trending with them.  I have watched Jillie compete in "Just Dance", row an erg (rowing machine), and attempt a scooter all from observing her siblings in action.  One of my favorite things to watch is Jillie and her red Solo cup, while she is watching a YouTube video of the song that has all the world's preteens and teens tapping and twirling the popular drinking device.

My advice for our special needs and typical kiddos is to place before them what you want to see in them.  Whether it's TV shows, DVDs, video games, friends, siblings, or mirrors, our children look to external influences for cues on what to do next.  Make it worth their while.