Joe: What You See Is What You Get.

"My life is an open book." is a saying that pretty much applies in my case.  Not that the life I live is perfect in any way nor am I free and clear of embarrassing moments, much less poor decision making.  Accepting all of the beautiful and the ugly that I bring to this world helps me ou t of controlccept the situations that appear in my life. It also helps me to know my strengths and where I may need to lean on others a bit more.  The weaknesses are actually something I cherish, although sometimes reluctantly.  It is through those deficiencies that God often does His best work in me.  It is through my shortcomings that He tests my trust in Him.  Have you ever wondered, when met with a life changing moment, if you would rise to the call?  My children are used quite often to answer that question.  Each member of our family has a different chapter in my book that is ever changing and used to mature me emotionally as well as spiritually. 

The "Joe" chapter of our lives began rather abruptly.  While on his morning commute to work, and during his weekly phone call to the newest grandparent addition, the Hubster found out the baby had been born and was currently residing with the birth mom who was yet to be freed from her addiction.  Being foster parents, mandated reporters, and the adoptive parents of the baby's siblings, our hands were tied.  Legally, we had to make the call.  During our subsequent phone contact, I remember telling the Hubster, "We need to pray about this."  Although that was never accomplished together, I know our hearts were united with our Lord's as the day went on.

My job, going direct to the solution and contacting our recently relieved CPS case worker, skipping that toll free number all together.  As I relayed the current news, I found the words, "Keep us in mind." flowing effortlessly out of my mouth.  Her reply, "Are you sure?"  Our first meeting with this amazing social worker had occurred only eleven months prior.  Since that original contact she had been a key player in our recent adoption of Angel and Alize, which blessed her heart after knowing them for two and a half years.  For some reason, I don't think my affirmative answer surprised her much.

That is when the pacing in literal circles began.  While on the phone with a dear friend of mine I realized my most recent newborn was on her way to double digits that year.  "What do you need?" was heard over the receiver.  "Diapers?" was all I could think of as my mind continued to spin out of control.  As I remember, our day was up and down emotionally.  The Hubster was prepared to leave work as soon as the call would come in.  Which it did later in the afternoon and he soon came home.  We then needed to pick our older three from school.  Number four

had been hanging out with me all day as usual.  A crazy, exciting vibe was hovering around our family. Just thirteen months ago we had two kids and now, we were just about to receive number five.  

After a couple of false alarms and a drive-thru dinner we decided to keep our Wednesday schedule in tact. Once we had our minds set, we got the phone call.  Where would we like to meet and receive the five day old boy?  We were on our way to church, so why not there.  That was just where they would drop him off.  We like to say, Joe was delivered in the church parking lot.  We had a baby.  

Soon, in the church office, my sweet friend hauled in five Target bags filled with everything I would need.  As we emptied them, one item at a time, we were able to share this special moment with a couple other ladies.  Our impromptu shower was as sweet and as unexpected as the bundle I was blessed with just minutes prior.

Joe's inception into the Schulze family was an adventure.  His infancy was no less exciting.  Our newest member was quite vocal.  His song of choice was more like screaming, OK, it was screaming.  Our sweet baby would scream for anything and everything and not just a regular scream, it was a bone chilling, I understand why some people can't handle this, kind of scream.  Joe had been exposed to methamphetamine daily for at least the first five months of his pregnancy.  I am sure these screeches were the result of that cause.  

The next year we would bond as mother and son, spend time in courtrooms, with social workers, and at doctor's offices.  We would share visits with biological family as well as other adoptive families.  We would endure, spine tingling screams, sleepless nights, and the anxiety linked with adoption through the foster care system.  We would give this boy his first haircut at three months, watch him stand and then walk, and discover that sign language would minimize the shrieking greatly.  We would snuggle him, cuddle him, and fall in love with him.  After fifteen months in our care, Joe became a Schulze.

Now, as we grow closer to his seventh birthday I look at my son and see an articulate, charismatic, affectionate little guy.  I see an innate protective instinct that will assure the safety of many in his future.  I see his love for family, friends, and God.  I see his self confidence as well as his timidity.  I see a sparkle in his eye and a spring in his step when he is enjoying life.  I see deep pain and sorrow when things go astray. He feels intensely and loves profoundly.  This boy lives life to it's extreme.  

Because of his living life on the so-called edge, I wonder about his prospective future.  I wonder about the possibilities.  I know that whatever he encounters, he will take it head on, with his whole heart.  There is not much grey area with my fifth child.  He either does or he doesn't, he either is or he isn't, he either will or he won't.  With Joe, what you see is what you get.

Sing or Scream

Hi, my name is Cindy and I am a recovering "yeller".

Back when my oldest, Eric, was about four, I had issues with a short fuse and a loud, intimidating voice.  As much as I did not want to admit or see what this was doing to my family. I knew something had to be done.  At the time, I was a relatively new believer and knew that I wanted my husband to be the "head of our home".  The battle that I was engaged in, though, was that the wife is the "heart of our home."

God made this mama strong and heavily opinionated.  That whole "sweet and gentle spirit" stuff, couldn't have applied to me, could it have?  It was easy for me to point out the Hubster's emotional outbursts but mine?  I was "stuck" at home with two small children and took care of four others under the age of five during the day. That verse in Colossians 3 about "do not aggravate your children" that was for the fathers, right?  Or were those the words God was trying to get through my strong willed skull.

I don't know if it is the same with you but, in my house the old adage, "If Mama ain't happy, no body's happy" kind of rings true.  You see, if the Hubster comes home from work and has had a rough day, I can provide a shield for the kids and things still run relatively smoothly.  If one of my kiddos is on the edge, again I can field those emotional foul balls.  But, if I am moody, off kilter, cranky or outwardly frustrated, everyone is affected.  All of a sudden, it is like nuclear fallout as each member of the clan succumbs to the poisonous attitude emanating from my heart, through my words both spoken and not.

I finally built up the courage to take on this ugly side of me.  Who could call me on the carpet when needed though?  Mature witnesses were few and far between, so I went to my kids.  I pulled Eric and Emily aside and admitted to them my dilemma.  I no longer wanted my voice to ring angrily throughout our home.  I, humbly, gave them permission to tell me when I was yelling.  That was rough.

I had no idea how rough it would be though until, I was in the heat of the moment making my frustrations heard when, in a small, quivering voice Eric said, "I don't know if this is a good time or not but..."  He need not say another word.  My heart sunk.

I am happy to report, even though we slip up at times, our voices can not be heard in the neighbor's living room anymore.  I say "we" because, when I made the choice to tone down my tune. the Hubster and then the kids followed suit.  It goes both ways you see,  I can sing or I can scream.  What ever I choose, will set the mood music for the adventure of our lives, LIFE.