The Tree, The Storm, and The Stakes

There is a wonderful analogy spoken of in Christian circles. It is one that helps the believer to understand why a loving God would allow trials into the lives of those He adores. I speak of the analogy of the tree and the storm. The illustration basically boils down to this, in order for trees to be strong, they need deep roots. In order to have deep roots, they need to withstand storms. It is the storm that encourages the tree to plant firm roots so as to not topple over. In contrast, trees with shallow roots will easily fall at the slightest squall.

This morning, on the drive to my 16 year old's high school, I was able to remind him about the purpose of storms in our lives. This past year we have been introduced to facets of our son's life that have been overshadowed throughout the 11 years since his and his sister's adoption. The details of these facets will, I am sure, make the topic of a future blog post. For now, understand that our son has endured far more storms than the Hubster and I were aware of. These disturbances, that we as parents have had no control of, have been brewing in my son's mind for the entirety of his life with us. Often, he can no longer hold back the pressure of life so he finds opportunity to release his anger, hurt and frustration in the place he feels safest, our home. Last night we, as a family, experienced one of those episodes.

This morning, with the burden relieved, my son was in a place where he could receive some maternal wisdom. I explained that he has had an abundance of storms in his life and that his Dad, the Hubster, and I know he will be able to overcome them. While overcoming these trials, his roots will grow so deep that, we know, he will not be moved nor shaken. He will be stronger than anyone I know. But it is in the overcoming that he will be made stronger, not in the storm itself.

At that moment, I had an epiphany and began to speak to myself as well. You see, when we plant young trees, we use posts or stakes to support them until their roots are mature. Usually, there are two stakes. The responsibility of the stakes are to help the tree not to need them anymore. There the stakes stand, one on each side of the young tree, both gently but firmly holding on to this new life. It is a fine balance, the responsibility of a stake, hold on too tight and the tree can be choked, it could snap when confronted with resistance, or the tree could grow and envelop the stake, never to be free and independent. Yet, take to weak of a grasp and that tree is at the whim of it's environment.


I continued down the road of the responsibility of the stake. You see, the thing about stakes is, they don't leave when the storms come, They withstand the storm with the tree to help it through the winds it would not overcome on it's own. It is during the storm that the stakes' work is most difficult and most important. The stake needs to be planted firmly. The stake needs to be sure of it's job. The stake needs to support yet allow the environment to affect the tree so the roots may grow deep. The stake does this in hopes that the tree will no longer rely on it and will flourish on its own.

As parents, we stand along side our children. We try to find that balance of strength and flexibility. As parents we weather all that our child endures and hopefully help our young ones to learn for themselves. As parents we set our goals to, one day, watch our child flourish, on his own, independent of us.

Therapy Thursday: Mirror, mirror on the ????

Needs to be on her knees.

I don't know about yours, but my kids, don't always want to do as they are told.  I know, I know, my kids disobey me? As shocking as it sounds, at any time of the day you can probably find one of my brood of six relishing in rebellion.  Whether it is wake-up time, get-ready-for-school time, get-in-in-the-car time, homework time, chore time, meal time,  bed time, or any time in between, you can be sure a resistance is brewing. Therapy time is when our youngest, chromosomally gifted, girl will most definitely be displaying her defiance.  Finding ways to afford her some independence and yet still get the job done is one of the most imposing facets of my masterpiece called "parenting".

Just because Jillie has an overabundance in the DNA department doesn't mean she is lacking in intelligence. In fact, her sibling she seems to be following intellectually is her 18 year old brother who has been accepted to one of the sought after colleges to study aeronautical engineering. He was also a very independent thinker at her age.  Some days, making her do therapy is just a big, frustrating waste of time.  So, I need to be creative when her therapist "friends" come for a visit.

Now, for a while there, Jillie would not speak to her speech therapist. Her physical therapist was a different story though.  We often joked about combining the two. Before we had to result to that solution we discovered her reflection.  Actually, we discovered that she had discovered her reflection and would sign and speak to it whenever it was available. She found her image everywhere, mirrors, windows, refrigerators, bathtub faucets (as well as that little round piece right below), taillights and, even pizza cutters. So, I took her infatuation for her girlish good looks and applied it to her speech. Thus, I bought a full length mirror and mounted it upon the wall just above the baseboards. That way she could get some good tummy time also.  As she grew I raised the mirror.  When she was learning to stand, I raised the mirror. She loved that mirror so much we were able to take care of physical therapy at the same time.

Years have passed since she first detected her likeness, yet the attraction is still irresistable. As we were getting ready for bed in our hotel room this past weekend, she discovered the mirrored closet door.  After a few pirouettes, karate kicks, and funky dance moves we were able to finally turn out the lights and turn in for the night.

Singing and Signing away

Therapy Thursday: Day to Day Existence

One of the most intimidating things when parenting a child with special needs is therapy.  Whether, speech, physical, or occupational it is difficult to figure out quality time to devote to working on new tasks.  As a mom of six, finding consistent time to perfect the developmental skills that come naturally to most, is close to impossible.  

I remember the pint sized treadmill that camped out in our living room for months waiting for someone to hold Jillie above it so her feet would learn to walk.  Let me tell you, that was a bicep builder.  That exercise apparatus did not get used as much as it should have, partially because Jillie would just lift her feet and dangle in our extended arms. Mostly, it was because our time to devote to it was not abundant.  I realized, therapy needed to be tied into our day to day existence.  We needed to use the resources we had on hand, brothers and sisters.  We set them on the task of encouraging Jillie to walk, by them holding her hands while her feet were on the floor. Wouldn't you know it, she walked and still does.  One night she stood right up and took four or five steps, all at once.  Did she do it for me, nope, she walked between the Biggles, Eric and Emily.

I love Jillie's therapists!  They do an amazing job with her and encourage me weekly.  When we set goals for my daughter I look for ways to achieve our objective while making my job a little easier, if possible.  For speech therapy, for example, Jillie needed to strengthen her tongue and lips.  So, no more cutting up spaghetti noodles.  She would need to use her verbal muscles to work that pasta into her mouth.  I also would turn her string cheese into threads and feed her peanut butter sandwiches on soft white bread, anything to get those muscles working out.

Our big goals now have more to do with occupational therapy, more fine motor skills to help her be successful in kindergarten.  We have special pencils to aid in her grip.  I have apps to help her count and write numbers.  We play with play dough to strengthen her hand muscles.  Our latest OT tool is, Box Tops.  Yes, the ones for education. Who'd have thought the little money makers would benefit my daughter in a totally different way.  I set her up with a tray, paper, big glue stick and pre-cut Box Tops and she had a blast.  We practiced counting objects, each page needed 10.  She then had to glue the tiny rectangles in specific places on the paper, not just any random place, she needed to follow directions, which she did.  Paired with the fine motor skills she was strengthening, it was quite the task. After five pages, she was done, but we have plenty more to take up this project again.  Tomorrow, she will hand her endeavours over to her teacher so she can play the Box Tops game of the month.  I am pretty sure it has to something do with pumpkins.

A Note Sharing A Letter by Noah's Dad

The first time I held Jillian

I was one of the fortunate ones, my grief lasted but a moment.  My heart was won over by Trisomy 21 before Jillian was born.  I could not have imagined, thought of, wished for anyone different than our baby girl.  I don't know why but I was excited at the thought of my child being born with Down syndrome.  That response is not typical, at all.  When I look back at how enthusiastic I was, I am sure I took the medical community around me by surprise.  They were used the the devastation, they were used to the loss, they were used to emotions far different than the ones I was portraying. I didn't give them a chance to be sorry for us.  When I look back, I see nothing but my heart having been prepared by God.

With that said, I have recently read a wonderful letter posted on a wonderful blog, noahsdad.com.  The father of a child with Down syndrome having not been diagnosed until birth had experienced the typical emotions, not regretting his son for one minute.  Here is a taste of what his "Open Letter to Every OB/GYN On The Planet" says.

Dear OB/GYN,

I’m the father of a two year old boy named Noah who was born with Down syndrome, and whom we love very much. I understand that in the course of your day to day work you often have the difficult responsibility of telling parents news they never thought they would receive; that there’s a likely chance the little boy or girl in their mothers womb is going to be born with Down syndrome.

Why I’m Writing You This Letter

I invite you to click on the link above to continue to read what, Rick Smith, Noah's Dad has to say.  It is what I hope to tell future parents.  Look for the Possibilities not the Probabilities.

She is a "Smart Cookie" just like her shirt says!

My Child Can Help Your Child Shine

Our friend, Ryan, loving Jillie in a way only he can.

One of my favorite things to do is read stories of teenagers who appear to have stepped out of their typical, self absorbed, roles, to do something that amazes and inspires the world around them. I especially love to hear about those who bless a peer who happens to have extra 21st chromosomes. The anecdotes of the team who allows a special needs player the chance to run the ball and the those opposing who help him to succeed with points to show for it; the student voted to be homecoming queen or king even though their social and academic abilities may not be as strong as others in the student body; the boy with Trisomy 21 who is accompanied to prom by the prettiest girl at the dance; the wrestler, chosen to compete with a young man with Down syndrome, that doesn't just lay down and let him win but makes the athlete work for his triumph, all bring tears to my eyes.

My daughter, Emily and Ryan off to her school dance.

Yes, my youngest has Down syndrome, and yes, I do have some uneasiness about her adolescence and that of those teenagers she will be exposed to.  My hope is that our society will have matured a lot since the years I spent in middle / high school.  My hope is these stories would inspire so many, at such a young age, and that bullying would be so rejected the children would resist such activity. My hope is, these stories would become the norm instead of the anomalies they currently are.

Our sweet friend Jack with our sweet girl Jillie

As inspirational as these videos can be, the stories are actually contained in the years prior to the event.  The character development either inspired in, taught to, or experienced by these young people could be the content of a novel.  A youth rarely just happens to do something edifying to others without first having some life experience to guide them in that direction.  The source of such growth could consist of an amazing grandparent with an amazing life story, or a teacher who pays close attention not only to the academics their student is involved in, but also the world the student lives in.  Character strength can be derived from experiences that we as adults don't even want to speak of, or the vesting of time into the service of others.  A parent who sees periods of strife as opportunities rather than restraints lays the groundwork for hope in their childrens' lives as well as the ability to inspire others.

What happens next could be the lead-in to a cover story.  What happens next is my child giving your child a moment to stand out from the crowd.  Unknowingly, Jillie will constantly provide those around her with opportunity to enhance their own attributes. She will learn, succeed, fail, love, laugh and live her life right beside them.  My hope is that her life will inspire others to look at their lives.  I not only look at my daughter as someone who is bursting with potential, but as someone who has the chance to share her radiance to help those around her shine.

Now is Jillie's Time

I LOVE this photo!  Every kindergarten year for every child, I have a photo very much like it.  The new schoolchild hand-in-hand with Daddy, approaching the building they would begin their academic career in.  To me it represents my husband leading my child to his or her first step towards independence.  

This particular photo, though carries a little more weight with it.  My baby is off to school.  The little girl who has surprised me day after day with her eagerness to learn will be learning from someone else.  I have to admit also, I have a tad bit of fear for the moment she encounters someone who does not appreciate just how special she is and chooses to tease her instead of protect her.  But, now is Jillie's time to stand up for herself.  Now is Jillie's time to show the world just what she is made of.  Now, is my time to step back, a little, and allow her adventure to continue, at times, without me.

After One Week of Kindergarten