Something To Learn

I believe it is about time you met another one of my children! But who should I start with? I thought maybe Eric should be next, he is the oldest. That just seems so predictable and I am not one to follow rules much. Oh, I do my best to obey laws, adhere to recipes, and stand in line to wait my turn. When it comes to the day to day stuff, though, repetition is extremely boring! So, if I don't see the probability of an unfavorable outcome, chances are I may switch things up a bit. Needless to say, consistency is a learned behavior in my case.

Brooke Photography is AMAZING

Allow me to introduce Angel, my preteen for a few more weeks, middle son. This charismatic yet insecure, strong yet fragile, funny yet easily embarrassed boy helped me to know I could unconditionally love a child who did not carry my DNA. Angel was five and a half when CPS brought him to stay, temporarily at our home. He was a busy, chatty, singer of a lad. He sang constantly! He also had an angry side and rightfully so.

Because of life before us, our son has developed Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and has some battles to fight that children from healthy families would not be exposed to. He has seen things I have only heard of and has not been cared for in a way to help him feel secure with himself and those around him. Our seven year challenge with Angel has been to help him trust the grown ups in his life, remain consistent enough to outlast the residue of past history, and encourage his unique gifts and talents.

That is a squid tentacle. Uh huh, gross.

The survival techniques he learned from not being safe, not knowing when his next meal would be, let alone not knowing what kind of mood his meth addicted mother would be in, taught him some strong habits we would need to break and turn into skills to strengthen him. Throughout the time he has been with us, considerable headway has been made. Last year, though, our challenges hit what we believe was the pinnacle.

Our son rebelled his entire school year. We tried EVERYTHING we could think of. RAD seemed to be running our lives. We even had to endure someone calling the police on us while Angel ran laps in a parking lot due to some very serious infractions at school. (That was fun) I was in tears the majority of the year, afraid of where my boy was heading and I had NO power over it. At home, at school, at church, defiance was on the rise.

I asked Angel to pose for me! First Day of School!!!

We determined we needed more control of his out-of-control life. His social circles would have to be limited because it was difficult for him choose not to follow suit with peers using poor judgement. So, I have become a "home school" mom, of sorts, with the help of our school.

(hint *support your child's school and staff. They will be there when you need them)

We knew we had made the right decision when we saw "the weight of the world" begin to lift off of his shoulders. I am excited to say, since the beginning of summer break Angel's attitude has totally turned around. He is generally happy, helpful and honorable. At least, he is trying to be. We still have and will continue to have our moments to work through, but, that is the reason for him staying home. It is a reason I crave new challenges.

Encouraging Jillie to help

Over the years, I have figured out that God has instilled aversion for routine in me, not so I can get out of the mundane but so I am not comfortable in it. He knew the family He would be giving me, and knew I would need to be able to react quickly, think outside of the box, and be good with transitions. He knew my kids would need a mom capable of outmaneuvering them, while not becoming overwhelmed. I love that God infuses us with personality traits and allows us to choose to how we use them. I like to say, I use my super powers for good and not evil now.

Come to think of it, there may be another reason for us being "home bound". As we take a year to really get to know each other, as we take a year to introduce our son to himself, as we take a year to firm up a foundation that he will build his future upon, Angel's staying home is dependant upon my staying at home. His commitment is dependant upon my commitment. His success is dependant upon my success. You see, it will take two of us to make this work. We need organization, consistency, patience, repetition, planning, Not necessarily my forte but, while Angel is busy learning, don't you think God has something for me to learn also?