Sing or Scream

Hi, my name is Cindy and I am a recovering "yeller".

Back when my oldest, Eric, was about four, I had issues with a short fuse and a loud, intimidating voice.  As much as I did not want to admit or see what this was doing to my family. I knew something had to be done.  At the time, I was a relatively new believer and knew that I wanted my husband to be the "head of our home".  The battle that I was engaged in, though, was that the wife is the "heart of our home."

God made this mama strong and heavily opinionated.  That whole "sweet and gentle spirit" stuff, couldn't have applied to me, could it have?  It was easy for me to point out the Hubster's emotional outbursts but mine?  I was "stuck" at home with two small children and took care of four others under the age of five during the day. That verse in Colossians 3 about "do not aggravate your children" that was for the fathers, right?  Or were those the words God was trying to get through my strong willed skull.

I don't know if it is the same with you but, in my house the old adage, "If Mama ain't happy, no body's happy" kind of rings true.  You see, if the Hubster comes home from work and has had a rough day, I can provide a shield for the kids and things still run relatively smoothly.  If one of my kiddos is on the edge, again I can field those emotional foul balls.  But, if I am moody, off kilter, cranky or outwardly frustrated, everyone is affected.  All of a sudden, it is like nuclear fallout as each member of the clan succumbs to the poisonous attitude emanating from my heart, through my words both spoken and not.

I finally built up the courage to take on this ugly side of me.  Who could call me on the carpet when needed though?  Mature witnesses were few and far between, so I went to my kids.  I pulled Eric and Emily aside and admitted to them my dilemma.  I no longer wanted my voice to ring angrily throughout our home.  I, humbly, gave them permission to tell me when I was yelling.  That was rough.

I had no idea how rough it would be though until, I was in the heat of the moment making my frustrations heard when, in a small, quivering voice Eric said, "I don't know if this is a good time or not but..."  He need not say another word.  My heart sunk.

I am happy to report, even though we slip up at times, our voices can not be heard in the neighbor's living room anymore.  I say "we" because, when I made the choice to tone down my tune. the Hubster and then the kids followed suit.  It goes both ways you see,  I can sing or I can scream.  What ever I choose, will set the mood music for the adventure of our lives, LIFE.