It's a Privilege

It happens to ALL parents.  If you have yet to experience this feeling and you have a child, I can guarantee you, junior is under the age of three.  Those of us without children, may have a special someone in our lives who invokes a similar emotion.  That shiver up your spine, or a cringe in your soul, can often be the result of just a few simple words, "Can I ask you a question?"  


As a mom of six, I have fielded a few doozies in my seventeen years of child rearing experience. Routinely though, the standards, "What's for dinner?", "What's it going to be like outside?" and "What are we doing today?" are multiplied as you can imagine.  So as to not lose my mind answering the same question over and over and over again, I have made an information board for my family to refer to.  Meals, day, date, weather, laundry and shower schedule, as well as the day's happenings are answered with the scrawl of a dry erase marker (as long as I don't forget).  When the majors are asked, I just point to the board.

Still questions persist. Thinking back, I have a few favorites...

"In other worlds, do red lights mean the same thing?"

"When are we going to see clouds, down low, with coyotes in them?"

"How does the sperm get to the egg?"  (OK, not my favorite but certainly memorable)

Then we have the conversation questions which usually begin with a misinterpretation of some sort.

Alize: "What's a cult?"

Mom: (with brows raised)  "What are you reading?"

Alize: "Little House on the Prairie"

Mom: (a tad befuddled)  "Bring it here. I want to see."

(Alize yields the book.)

Mom: (with a sense of relief) "Oh, it's a young horse."

Of course, Mom is the go-to-gal for ALL information.  The later we get in the day, though, my patience grows slim.  At some point during the past few years I had to declare all "What if..." questions banned after 7PM. They were making my brain hurt.


My answers?  I really try to be accurate with them.  As you can imagine though, I have used the "because I say so", "That is how God made it", "What if (insert child's name)?", "The last time I wore your shoes..."  Those oldie but goodie answers sure do come in handy at times.

Some of my kids are in unique situations, their questions are a little more challenging.  "Why don't I look like you?"  "What does my birth dad look like?"  "Where are my birth parents?"  Along with inquiries such as these are the underlying questions often connected to undesirable behaviors.  "Will they still love me if..."  "Will they still keep me if..."  "Will my consistent behavior receive a consistent response?"

This past week, just before bedtime, Allie came to me with heartfelt questions.  They were the kind where I had to separate my emotions and realize the response she was seeking in no way reflected on my mothering skills or upon how she felt about being a Schulze.  They were eliciting information about the essence of her existence.  My goal is always for my kids to love their birth parents because, when they do, they are loving on a part of themselves.  Due of this my answers need to be carefully constructed.

It all started with my daughter asking how much longer birth mom would be in prison.  Following my answer she enquired whether, after she was released, when birth mom was doing better, if she would go to live with her.  I told her, no, because she has been adopted by her Dad and I, she is a Schulze now and is an important part of our family.  She then told me she wants to live with her.  Now, Allie has been doing well in school and at home, so she's not in any trouble, therefore, no punishments have been doled out recently.  No, her inquiry is because she loves the biological attachment and the magical aura a birth mom can hold.  Me, I get down and dirty, my shine has become a bit tarnished, she knows my strengths as well as my faults.  So, I understand where she is coming from. Still, the "Why not?" question is not an easy one.

What comes next, I have experienced once before.  "If God knew what birth mom would do, and that I would be taken away, why would He even let me be born?"  I have never had my bio kids doubt the reason they exist.  This question has to be handled with extreme sensitivity.   "Mom and Dad can not make an Alize, she can not come from our bodies."  I answer.  "God needed birth mom and birth dad to make an Alize because He wanted a strong, sweet, creative, smart, beautiful, silly, caring girl that can only do things the way you do them."  I quickly follow with, "But, He wanted to protect her from the hardships her biological parents were experiencing as well as the choices they would make.  For that reason, God trusted Kevin and Cindy with this amazing little girl.  Why?  Because He knew they would love her forever and do their best to raise her to be an amazing young lady."

As these words flow from my lips, my heart breaks just a little for my sweet innocent girl.  Knowing the world is creeping in on her magical life makes my eyes tear and the beat of my heart heavy.  The turmoil she and her siblings endure are foreign to me and yet, I need to pause and nurture their broken hearts with scars that I can not see but only sense.  I need to step far outside of my selfishness and do what God has trusted only me to do, be Allie's mom.  It is a privilege that surely isn't easy, but definitely is good.